More Random Stuff!

Well! It's been a beautiful day. Sunny but cool, slightly windy, and fresh. Autumn is great.

And today was our big cleaning day! Though I felt a bit tired at the outset, my motivation increased as I started helping to clean the stove. Actually, it's a big conventional stove, with two ovens and a large griddle. I felt a sense of ownership as I cleaned it because of the fact that I use it everyday.

After the all-day cleaning event, I got to help our cook make frijoles charros and tacos de res. I'm really going to miss working in the kitchen when we leave!

One of the things I enjoy about being in the kitchen is the conversations I get to have with the Hermano. (Which in Spanish means "brother," but is a commonly used term for addressing people in an informal way, rather than using their first names. So, "Hermano" is the way we address our cook). Aside from his job as our cook, Hermano Heriberto is a pastor at a small local church here in Sauzal. Some of the ministries that his church participate in include: hospital and prison visits, events for neighborhood children, outdoor worship services, and prayer meetings.

We got the chance to attend Heriberto's church two Sundays ago, and the singing was beautiful! It was definitely from the heart, in worship to God. I love the music at Spanish-speaking churches because oftentimes it's got a Latin flare - the rhythms and melodies are contagious.

I have to let you know that, unfortunately, I will not be able to update the blog while on outreach, due to our schedule and computer availability. But when I come home for Christmas, you can ask me about how it went!




The biggest thing that God has taught me while I've been here is probably the extent to which he wants to have a relationship with me. He wants to hear my thoughts, and take on my questions, and understand my heart.

Knowing God is an amazing thing, but it can't happen without grace and forgiveness. Why? Because I need grace and forgiveness! And that's what Jesus died for - to make a way for me to intimately know God. The cross is what I deserved. But relationship with him is what I am given instead. And what a wonderful gift it is!

I hope that your day has allowed for some enjoyment of whatever it is you like to do. Be blessed, and see you later.


Above:
- Flags used for worship at Iglesia Centro Vida (bearing the Hebrew names of God!).
- In the park in downtown Juarez.

News and random stuff

Above is a picture of me and Ben, as we are waiting outside of a health center to get shots (for our outreach trip to Southeast Asia). But as it turned out, this particular center did not have the particular shots that we needed. So we went somewhere else.

And, as it turns out, we will be leaving on Friday Nov. 7 for outreach, not Monday, as was previously arranged. But all is good! We are very excited about going, and even though there is still a lot to get done beforehand (tomorrow, for instance, is "deep cleaning day," which takes place once every three months, and since we are still here, well, you know), getting on the plane will make up for all of it.

I don't have any deep things to talk about at present; though I would like to enter into a discussion about something more thoughtful, at the moment, I have to go clean my living space (I would call it my "room," but it's not just mine). It's funny how disorganized and cluttered one small bunk bed area can become.

I am currently reading a book called The Search for Significance, by Robert S. McGee. It is worth reading, and has made me think through some things that I'm not sure would have occured to me otherwise. Perhaps later, I will write more on the subject.

Until later. Hope everything is going great.

Food

Above is, obviously, a Wendy's. It's located in the downtown Juarez area. And among the other American food chains that can be found here are: McDonald's, Starbucks, Krispy Creme Doughnuts, Papa John's Pizza, and Apple Bee's. Among those not found here: Taco Bell.

We ate dinner at a taco place called El Cometa several weeks ago, and if I was to mention the closest thing to it in Fort Collins, it would probably be the Taqueria Los Comales, located on the corner of Prospect and College. Most definitely authentic, as far as local tacos go.

I think one of my favorite things to eat here is the Mexican torta, a type of sandwich that is made with hot meat, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise. It is also eaten with either jalapeños or some kind of salsa. It's really good.

On a similar subject, one of the things I've enjoyed about my time here has been working in the kitchen. It's gotten me more motivated about trying to cook new things when I go back home (for those of you who know, my main experience in the kitchen is with baking cookies. A good skill, but not enough to survive on . . . ) As far as Mexican cooking goes, it would be easy to read out of a recipe book, but there is something special about watching an experienced person cook and learning first-hand. Oh yes, and that reminds me. Our cook here is a native Mexican, and his name is Heriberto. He is also a pastor at a local church.

What else can I say about Mexican cuisine? It definitely varies depending on where you are in Mexico. For instance, if you live near the ocean, you will find a lot more seafood dishes, of course. The south of Mexico has the corn tortilla as its staple, while the north leans more toward the flour tortilla. In the border cities, you find somewhat of a blending with the American culture, and for that reason, there are more pizza and hamburger places than in other cities. Also, you might find variants on typical dishes (such as mole or tamales), depending on where you are in the country.

Yeah, so there's a bit about Mexican food. I'm no expert, but that's a little of what I know.

I hope you are enjoying your day! Hasta luego, till next time.

My Story

Get ready for a book . . .   But what I am about to write is important to me. Thank you so much for keeping up with this blog and being interested in what I have to say!  It means a lot.

Here is the story about why I came to be a part of YWAM in Juarez, Mexico.  I'd like to share it with you.  It has little to do with Mexico and less to do with YWAM, but is actually about my personal journey with God, and how he awakened me to new depths in Him.  Thanks again for taking the time to listen!

 

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I am a pretty average person, with hopes, dreams, desires.  You know. The kinds of things most people have.  And before coming here, I would say that I was living a pretty average life - job, friends, and church involvement filled it.  There were things I wanted to change, sure, but for the most part, I was satisfied.

Then one evening this past May (2008), I arrived home to find a note left by my mom on the kitchen counter: "Cynthia: call me as soon as possible when you get this."  My initial reaction was fear - did someone get hurt?  Is everything okay?  I remembered that the same day, my brother and a few of our friends (Rachel, Tre, Reese, and others) had gone up to the mountains for a picnic.  So I called my mom, and she answered.

"They were on their way back, and there was a car accident, Cynthia, and they think that Rachel didn't make it."  Didn't make it.  Rachel, who I had just hung out with several days ago and had led worship with at church on Sunday?  Could you say that again, please?  But the brain only needs milliseconds to process information, and a few more milliseconds for it to get to the heart.  So, one second later, while my mom was saying, "I'm at the hospital," my heart was already pounding inside of me.

What do I do?  Where do I go?  I couldn't just stay alone at home.  I decided I'd go to my pastor's house; at least we can pray together, I thought.  But on the way, I checked the messages on my cell phone.  One from my mom.  It was true - Rachel hadn't made it.

God has typically been a part of my life.  Sometimes I've felt closer to him than others; sometimes I've desired to know him, while other times, I've preferred to disregard his opinion on things.  However, I've always known him to be there, faithfully, and to guide me when I'd let him.  And I still know this to be true.

I believe that we were created for meaning.  To live not in mediocrity, but with a deep sense of aliveness that comes from the fact that meaning exists.  When I think about the capability for depth that lies within the human soul, I become angry at the thought of living in anything less than its fullest capacities.  No.  We were meant for, and are capable of more.

In the months following Rachel's death, I felt God talk to me about my life. I began to see things from a different perspective.  You're putting your hope in the wrong things, he said.  You're not fully using the gifts I've given you to bless others.  And the overarching theme was a message that I heard, loud and clear: You're not living deeply.  I felt a need to connect with God, and as I did so, I started to see truth in my life unlike any other time I've seen it.

What had I been doing wrong, specifically?  Personally?  Everything seemed to be fine.  But now, on the other side what had happened, I saw that it wasn't.  What I would like to do now is talk about the specific things I learned, and afterwards follow them up with a few short observations about the beauty of Rachel's life.

You're putting your hope in the wrong things.  See, things only have meaning if they are true.  If we were created for deepness, there must also be truth on which to live out that deepness, because only the most valuable things deserve our sold-out energies, focus, and passions.  I will not live sold-out for a lie.  And I will only live sold-out for the absolutely most valuable thing in existence.  Which is God.

Beforehand, my hope was in personal dreams of getting married someday, of attending graduate school, of having a great church ministry, of eventually having my own family. Wonderful things, but not to count on. Why?  Because they cannot promise life.  My first observation about Rachel: she counted on knowing God through Jesus Christ, even though she would have been an amazing wife to somebody, a strong leader in church ministry, a tender mother.   

You're not fully using the gifts I've given you to bless others.  If I was meant to live deeply, and that deepness can only come from the source of all life, then the source of all life must be my motivation for living. Otherwise deepness will not occur.  I apply it to my life like this: I can get up in front of a church congregation and sing beautifully, but if the act is not done for God, it is void of depth and meaning.  Sure, it's still good.  It may still bless others.  But the essence of the act is not founded on what is most valuable, and therefore the act cannot be full of life.  Is my heart engaged and connected with God himself?  Remember, meaning must be based on the truth of what is actually most valuable.

Though I sang many times in front of my church congregation, my heart was selfish.  I typically resented the fact that the music didn't gratify my own tastes; I thought that such elementary music was below me.  The sad result: my musical gift was not used to its fullest life-potential; the Source of all life was not in it.  Now, my second observation about Rachel: as our church's music minister, she made music with abandon.  Her worship was for God, and its meaning-filled essence blessed a lot of people.

You're not living deeply.  I must now warn you that I have more to say, though I will do my best to stay concise.

Something happens to the soul when it is set free - suddenly, the deepness that it was capable of but had not yet experienced becomes known.  Its freedom comes from an awareness that there is a reason to be alive. Really alive.  There is really something worthy of the total soul; something deserving of everything it has to give.  A freed soul can no longer live in shallowness, because it has understood that a foundation exists for its living, an unchanging foundation that allows it to live without reserve.  So. An awareness of meaning leads to depth.  

And the only way to be set free is through Jesus Christ, who on the cross, made a way for our souls to have real life. 

Personally, and this is a bit challenging for me to bring up - my main error by which I lived shallowly was in the area of relationships.  Not just the ones closest to me, but all across the board: friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances.  I am sad to admit that I chose the path of self-protection rather than giving.  I was afraid of being known, so I didn't share myself authentically with people; instead of engaging, I disengaged, and ended up missing out a lot of life and potential blessings.  This error prevented my soul from experiencing depth.

If it were not for Rachel's living and passing, I don't think that I'd have learned what needed to be learned in this area of my life.  On that note, I want to make one final observation about Rachel's beauty: she was not afraid of letting people in.  Her relating was based not on fear, but on the security of her freedom through Jesus Christ.  As a result, her relationships with others were full and deep.

In order for a soul to live in its fullest potential of deepness, it must be set free.  The potential is there.  Who can deny it?  But the potential was given by God and can only be fully realized by God.  

So, as I began to think about the life I was living, I saw that there really was a problem, and it had to do with my lack of connection to meaning. What is worthy of my entire self?  To what can I devote my living in such a way that I experience the depth I was created for?  We are not beings of half-hearted and mediocre living. We were meant for more, and the more can only come from its source, plain and simple.  What had I been doing? I had been allowing myself to be satisfied without the more.  Without depth.

At present, I want my living to be based in this truth: that nothing is more valuable than God. He is a foundation, he frees my soul, he is worthy of everything I've got within me.  In a beautiful way, through the tragedy of loss and the mercy of God's interest in my spiritual growth, my Life-source has become my pathway to life - as I connect with Him, I find that meaning was there all along - my soul just needed to be reminded!

More Pictures....

Here are a few I thought you would enjoy.

With a few friends.  Not from Mexico...

Random  street.  (More interesting than the other random street picture).

People!  (From the community).

Cool kids (from the community).

Noe, me, and Lucero.  They are the awesome kids of one of our staff members.

Ice cream and movie day at Rancho Los Amigos.  We watched The Incredible Hulk with the kids.

Transformation?

Hello! I hope you have been enjoying your week. What's the most interesting occurrence that's taken place lately? The least interesting?

Well. Eleven weeks and many Mexican dinners later, we are still going strong here in Juarez.

We have two weeks left of classes before leaving for our six-week outreach to Southeast Asia. We are very excited about visiting a different country! As far as the type of work we will be doing, it will range from manual labor (still not sure on specifics) to music and drama performances, to simply getting to know people and making friends.

Today our visiting teacher showed us some slides of pictures from around the world and talked to us about some of the various problems and needs in different countries. It was the kind of stuff that can really break your heart. After the presentation, I felt so ignorant (in a humbling and disappointed sort of way) as I realized that there is so much that I should but don't know about the world. Yeah, National Geographic and other sources cover some of these things, but the magnitude of hurt that many face not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally, just blows me away. I really had no idea, and I say that with a subdued attitude. Today, I was humbled.

Sometimes I think about my challenges to others to think outside the box, and then I am hit with the realization that I myself have not allowed my mind to get outside of its box, but rather have been hindered by pride and fixed presumptions that aren't easily bent. My passion is for truth, and I find that I stop truth from flowing because I think that I already have things figured out. I want to be transformed by truth, living and walking in it; why, then, do I so resist transformation when truth becomes clear? Why do I cling to my old boxes?

Pretty much, it's because I don't want to be humbled. I don't want to admit that I'm wrong and need to change the way I think.

God is light, and there is no darkness in him. Sometimes he tries to teach me things, but I prefer not to listen. Sometimes he wants to increase the foundation under my feet, but I like the little rock that I'm used to standing on. I don't want to see deeper things because it means that my world could get shaken up.

But I am realizing that my desire for light must be stronger than my fear of being shaken, and my pursuit for truth more passionate than my resistance to admitting I'm wrong. It can't work any other way.

Psalm 199:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." And in Spanish it says, "Lámpara es a mis pies tu palabra, y lumbrera a mi camino." (Which means the exact same thing. Just thought you might like to see it). When I picture this, my first initial idea is of me, carrying one of those little old-fashioned candle holders, with a candle in it to light my way down a dark path. But you know what? If this is my image of God, then I think very little of him. What kind of image would be closer to the truth? How about a light that blinds me, incapacitates me, frightens me, and humbles me in such a profound way that my only response can be to fall on my knees in honor and surrender my mind to the truth of who he is? I think that here, in such a place, real transformation can occur.

Above: - me and Joy, a visitor from South Korea

- us and some friends walking down the street

- kids from Rancho Los Amigos hanging out in front of the chapel after school

The Fear of the Lord

Yesterday my team went to downtown Juarez and hung out in the plaza. Do you ever find yourself in a situation that makes you feel really small? It can happen in many different ways, to be sure. And it usually is a good thing . . .

Have you ever been stunned by how the world is bigger than you thought it was, or how the scope of people in it is vaster than you'd ever imagined?

Yeah, these are sentimentally-charged questions. But nonetheless, I felt these things yesterday. I felt small. Not insignificant, but just little, as though my mind was incapable of grasping everything it wanted to understand.

Being in a different culture can really open one's eyes to the variety that exists, and has existed throughout history, in the way people view their world. I suppose I should say the world, since there has only been one world, and he who thinks that the world revolves around himself is in for a surprise.

So. There are many, many people in the world, and each has a worldview that corresponds with culture, family background, place in history, personal experiences, as well as personal identity. That's a lot of variety. A lot to examine and understand. And this variety can make us feel small.

And now you might think I'm going to tell you that we should examine and understand our differences. But I'm not.

Sometimes our minds stay at a surface-level understanding of things because we stay within our own worldviews (unconsciously done). We take for granted the way we look at the world because it comes naturally to us, and on that level, it's actually easier to perceive our differences than our similarities. We know who we are and how we think, and comparing this with others comes naturally. At the surface-level of things, our differences are quite obvious.

What I am saying is that I think people have infinitely more commonalities than differences. And this, due to our surface-level thinking, is what we have not fully understood. A proper worldview involves the truth of a bigger picture. It's deeper than what we see on the surface. And it makes me feel even smaller.

Now, sometimes when I write I get myself into a pickle trying to understand things that I don't have all the answers for. Which I'm sure nobody has ever done before.

Right now I'd like to be able to say, "And here is a list of all our commonalities!" I can't give a list. But what I can offer is this:

Proverbs 1:7

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge."

Or, as some translations of the Bible put it,

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."

And as I always encourage: let these words be not just an enigma, not just a time-old truth, not just a concept to behold. Concepts must be wrestled with, truth must be craved, and understanding must be built on apprehension, not assumption. Only then can truth actually begin to transform one's living.

Medical Outreach and More

Today was the third day of our Medical Outreach, and in the place where we went, there were lots of kids.  Above are a few pictures! 

Several groups of people have come here to be a part of it: one from New Jersey, one from Pennsylvania, and one from British Columbia, Canada.  Also, a number of our own staff members are involved.

Each day we set up in a different part of the city, and community members come through the free heath clinic in stations: Registration, Height and Weight, Vital Signs, Medical History, Doctor, Pharmacy.  And guess what?  I get to work in the final station: prayer!  After their checkups, all visitors have the option of receiving prayer for any personal needs they might have.  And since I can communicate in Spanish, I've been able to pray with people for specific things.

It's so cool to see the people respond positively to the prayer with appreciation.  Of course, not everybody who comes through the prayer station is as excited about it as we are, but nevertheless, our intention is to bless them in whatever way we can.

Each morning this week I've also been helping with worship for our pre-outreach team meetings.  We have a small worship band, and I get to play the keyboard and sing.  

Lately one of my desires has been to involve my heart and my mind more whenever I'm participating in worship.  I want to actually mean the words I'm singing, every one, rather than just focus on the music.  This is a challenge in the sense that as a musician, my mind wants to focus on the musical results of what I'm doing - you know, so everything comes out sounding clear and beautiful.  And in reality, I believe that this is not wrong; it's a good thing if done in the right spirit, for God.  But my desire of late has been to go beyond that, making each song a prayer in itself to God, so that each word I sing comes out of a deep, literal search to know God better.  And when I do it, I expect results.  I've learned that God always reveals himself when I search for him earnestly. 

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I hope that you have, thus far, enjoyed reading this blog.  I hope it brings encouragement in some form or another.  

If you've read previous posts, then you know that my outreach team is planning to embark soon to Southeast Asia, on November 3rd.  We will be doing Christian ministry, including humanitarian work, helping with various community projects, and reaching out in whatever ways we can.  At present, I do not have more details to offer since we haven't been give more specifics.

But the bottom line is this: if you would like to be a part of helping my outreach team of eleven people get to Southeast Asia and live there for six weeks, there is way to do it.  Just check out the information below.

Thanks for being interested in all of these occurences, in what God has been teaching me personally, and in the things I've been able to be a part of since living here in Juarez, Mexico.  It means a lot to me!  As allows, I will continue to post.

If you are interested in what I am doing here in Juarez and would like to send a gift for our team to get to Southeast Asia, here is all the information needed:

Every check is tax deductible and should be made out to YWAM (Youth With A Mission).

Please do not write my name anywhere on the check.  Send them, along with a request for a receipt, to: 

                                 YWAM El Paso-Juarez

                                 Cynthia Alvarez - DTS

                                 4444 Edgar Park Ave.

                                 El Paso, TX 79904

Prayer

I've been meaning to put up a few more interesting pictures (somehow, I think "random street" doesn't quite cut it), but we've been so busy that oftentimes I just forget to take any. So here are a few more, depicting some recent days. I will do my best to get better at this, because we really have been up to a lot! As I mentioned in my previous post, this week is officially called "Medical Outreach Week." Read about it if you're interested.

Well now. On to deeper and more thoughtful things! Today I will write about the topic of prayer.

Last week in class we looked at: different motivations for praying, what prayer is, why we would want to pray. And as I sort out my thoughts about all of it, I find I don't know where to begin. Yes, I could just spit out everything we covered in class, but a little bit about me: I oppose surface-level explanations of things. And prayer is a topic that resonates deeply within me, because typically, prayer has been a big part of my life. So, I suppose I will begin with what I know.

Prayer is, by dictionary definition, "an address (as a petition) to God or a god in word or thought." (Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary). But since I know that the God whom I serve is not only real but personal, prayer, for me, means talking to and interacting with God - the only God, who created the great expanses of the universe, and also created me. It occurs in a personal way, similar to the way I might interact with a friend.

Now, when I think about the nature of friend-with-friend interaction, some words that describe it are: informal, personal, light-hearted but also deep, transparent, and honest. In a friendship, there is mutual caring and understanding between the two parties, and this bond cannot endure unless it stands upon a strong foundation of trust - which includes a strong commitment on both sides to walking in integrity.

But there is another side to prayer which marks it as a different kind of relationship than the kind that exists between two friends, and even between two lovers. And that difference lies in the parties involved. When I pray, I am no longer dealing in the human-with-human realm, but have entered into a different equation in which I come face-to-face with the greatness and beyond-pure holiness of the only Most High God. I now have a personal inner response to contend with, which will either be appropriate, affirming the truth of who he is, or inappropriate, disregarding the reality of his nature.

If I choose the former, then my praying is based in truth, and can be considered consequential. If the latter, then it has no base whatsoever from which anything can procure. So, when I pray, I am either genuinely connecting with the Most High God, or not connecting with him at all.

So up to this point, we have seen prayer in light of the depths of friendship, but also the undeniable truths about who God is. Now I will arrive at a summation of all this, and that arrival is found in the person of Jesus Christ, son of the Most High God. Why does he matter when it comes to prayer? Because without his death and resurrection, I would not be able to even enter the presence of God. See, though I desire friendship with God and he is capable of giving it in return, I remain at odds with him because of the very fact that he is God, not human.

And Jesus Christ? The answer to my dilemma: God-on-earth, made human, so that I, as a human, might connect with the Most High God; first by accepting his undeserved death in my place, then by allowing his resurrection to bring me life.

Basically, once I get life through Jesus, I can come into God's presence. Why? Because now I am relating with God on a basis of truth. I have responded to him appropriately, affirming the truth of his nature by affirming what he's done for me through Jesus Christ. Now, when I pray, I am in fact genuinely connecting with the Most High God.

Above: 1. Early morning, loading mattresses for a weekend outreach trip to El Paso, TX.

2. At this month's Community Night, we all check out the newly-built home for the Lehman family, who just moved here from Pennsylvania to join our staff.

3. Ty Thurman, my team leader, is about to give us our morning announcements.

4. Lunchtime!

Medical Outreach

Above: Random street.

So. Medical outreach. Our YWAM base here in Juarez does it every year to help the community in a real and practical way, and next week, my team gets to be a part of it! Professional doctors and medics from the U.S. have been invited, and other lay-people will come as well to help with logistics and coordinating. Health stations will be set up around the city where the public can come to receive free health care. In the process, they get free vaccines, medicine for common health ailments (which many of them cannot afford), vitamins, and products especially for women. They can also get answers to any health questions they might have.

We're looking forward to being a part of it and blessing our community through it. Our base undertakes this big event twice a year, and as far as my team goes, our role will be to step in wherever we are needed.

I hope this gives you an idea for the kind of hands-on experience that I am receiving here. In other words, I am not just studying and attending class, but am also participating in outreach events that involve meeting actual needs in a practical way. And it's a great combination, because we get to stretch our minds, but also be active in applying the convictions that first propagated our studies!

Pictures

The girls of our group. Mandy, Jessica, Hayley.

Me and one of my leaders: Lydia.

Practicing a drama for our outreach to Southeast Asia.

Me, Myrna, Lea, and Nidia.

Me and Nidia, another of our leaders.

Salvation

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." - Acts 4:12

Salvation. It's a very religious word that gets tossed around and used in ways that have nothing to do with what it really means. What does it mean to have salvation? To be saved? Let's put away all religious fluff and presumption. I wager that the meaning of salvation is infinitely deeper than we could ever presume to understand.

The definition for salvation, according to Oxford's English Dictionary, is "preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss." Now, if we bring in the element of life and death, supposing that someone's life is at stake, then the definition of salvation begins to carry a lot more weight. It indicates a passage - from something destructive into something that allows life. In such an instance, it is nothing less than the difference between life and death, hope and hopelessness, freedom and helplessness.

Now. When I consider the act of Christ's crucifixion, it causes me to wonder where I fit into the picture. And here's where I think the answer lies: in salvation, from death into life.

At this point, it is necessary to consider a few things. First of all, do I believe that the soul is an eternal entity? Follow me here. Do I believe that after death, my soul doesn't just die right along with my body, but that it continues existing? Please, let's not be short-sighted and pretend that talking about this stuff doesn't matter. When I consider the reality of life's brevity, my fragility, as well as the depth of goodness that a soul can experience, it makes me highly question whether this is really all there is. This life that I am living here, I mean. I can't escape the question. Of course discussing this stuff matters.

Now I come to my next point, and that is this: What's the difference between life and death? I do not refer to mere physical death. If we're going to bring the salvation (or lack thereof) of the soul into question, then the stark differences between life and death must be considered, for there is no in-between. If salvation means life, and the opposite of salvation means death, then what does an alive soul look life? A dead soul?

I trust that we will all think for ourselves on this one, and so I will not delve too deeply into this issue. What I will do, though, is present a picture of what I consider to be a good illustration of the difference between life and death. So. Here goes.

I saw an image of myself. I was laying down on the ground, face down in the dirt, and suddenly a large herd of horses came running - loud, ominous, and fast. And then the herd was on top of me, trampling over me. It happened within a split second, my fate sealed before I could even try to get up. I felt helpless. Then, the image changed, and I saw myself actually riding one of the horses, galloping, my body positioned in a stance of determination as well as freedom, ruthlessness as well as carefree-ness, purpose as well as adventure. I was flying. I was utterly free.

The truth is, if I want life, in the great fullness of what it really means, then I must be saved. I am just being honest when I say that really, in-and-of-myself, I don't believe it can happen. I need something bigger than myself. I need the author of life itself.

To sum this all up, I feel strongly that the concept of salvation must not be trifled with. It must not be mocked, ignored, or misunderstood. Life and death exist, in all depth of meaning and actuality. And here's where the act of Christ's crucifixion comes in. What was it? An act that did not end with the hopelessness of death, but with the freedom of life. Christ did not stay dead; there is hope. And that hope is for me, when his life becomes my life. His hope my hope. His freedom my freedom.

Happenings

Today, we went to a local restaurant called Viva Mexico, which was adorned inside with colorful hanging decorations and had some of Mexico's most famous ranchero bands playing in the background over the stereo. It was a good time of being together - just hanging out, eating, and conversing.

After that, even more importantly, we went to do laundry at our nearby laundromat - a very special ritual that takes place every Saturday afternoon. Despite the wonderful fascination that folding clothes offers, being at the laundromat is an enjoyable experience for me in that I get to catch up on my reading.

What else might you want to know about the happenings at our YWAM base? How about Community Night? Every month all the staff from both El Paso (TX) and Juarez come together to worship, pray, and get updated on the ministry's progress. And last night, I was involved in two ways: music and brownies.

Since God has blessed me with musical abilities, I've had the privilege of helping out with the worship here. What I love most about it is being able to bless others with this gift, which happens as people worship God through the music.

Now about the brownies. Last night I got the chance to make desert for everyone to enjoy after Community Night. It most definitely satisfied any sweet tooth there, but the bottom line is that they were more gooey than I had intended. See, I attempted to create my own chocolate frosting recipe, but it was so wet that it ended up turning the brownies into a sugar-loaded chocolate mush. And my lesson was simply this: next time, I'll try altering my concoction. My opinion is that the fun of experimenting outside of a step-by-step recipe makes up for any unexpected outcomes.

And finally, let me remind you that in a month, my team is leaving for Southeast Asia, where we will be for a total of six weeks! We are very excited.

That's all for now! Have a great day.

Below: Some of the kids from Rancho Los Amigos, random people at Community Night, and myself with Jennifer.

Rancho Los Amigos

The way this place works where I am studying, is that it is not just a school. It's an organization that plays a big role in the local Mexican community, namely through a children's home called Rancho Los Amigos. Behind our campus on the same property sits the children's home, which houses the director, his wife, and fifteen boys and fifteen girls ranging in ages from three to seventeen. It is considered by the Mexican government as one of the best children's homes in all of Mexico, due to the structured nature of how it's run, the respectful behavior demonstrated by the kids, and the amount of financial resources that are poured into its success and effectiveness. (If you really want to know more about it, look at http://www.ywamepj.org/).

I just thought this might be interesting for you to know. Sometimes we get to see the large vans pulling out in the morning, one filled with girls and the other with boys, as our staff members take them to school. And in the afternoons, we hear the shouts of the kids playing on the playground behind the chapel. It's just a cool thing to be connected to here, even though we don't necessarily get to interact a lot with the kids, since we've got our own schedule and requirements. Currently, there are nine full-time staff members who work with the children's home (which is not technically an orphanage, since some of the kids aren't orphans, but come from social services because their parents can't take care of them).

On September 15, Mexico's independence day, we got together with all of the kids and staff for a big dinner. The Rancho staff cooked all the food, which included elotes, chicken mole tacos, agua de horchata, and flan imposible. Suffice to say, Mexican food is good. And you'll probably be hearing more about it from me in the future.

So there's a little bit about Rancho Los Amigos, our children's home here. Have a great day!

Above: Me and Hayley.

Purpose

If there's one thing I enjoy, it's relaxing in the evening with a hot cup of tea while having a meaningful conversation with another human being. So last night, I made a hot herb brew, added some honey, and conversed with Jennifer (one of our staff members) about purpose. Purpose being that substance which gives us a drive to move forward, or perhaps better said, the definition of our reason for living. And if there's one thing I don't want to live without, it's purpose.

Ed Sinke, our visiting teacher last week, helped me to sort out some of my ideas about purpose. He said that we all have a purpose unique to who we are, and it is so central to our individual identities such that to know it (which doesn't actually imply using it for something good), one must simply know the gifts, callings, abilities, or desires that are inside of them.

Now, I'm not a huge fan of the feeling-oriented discover-yourself exercises, but in all seriousness, this wasn't one of them. It had more with the creativity of God that we see among the differences in people. See, it's true that we are, in our personhoods, separate. We have an individual identity, a name that signifies who we are, a soul that no one else has. But what does this have to do with purpose?

If you ask me what my personal reason for living is, I will not answer you with what I think my individual purpose is. My first response will be, "I live to intimately know Jesus Christ." And then I will tell you that out of this intimate knowing will flow an outpour of life to lavish on others, the way Christ lavishes an outpour of life on me. I say this because I want to give life to others, and because I know that through Christ, I can. This is my drive to move forward.

Maybe my individual purpose is "to encourage and challenge minds to seek truth" or "to help people by meeting their specific needs," because after all, both of these desires are inside of me. And maybe this purpose will manifest itself through what I'm doing here in Mexico and plan to do in different countries. But the reality of it is, I don't care too much about the words used to verbalize this or how it ends up looking; what I really care about is not missing what's most important. And in my pursuit of this, I mean, in my pursuit of what's most important, I can say with certainty that my life will not lack purpose.

Culture!

So far, adapting to a different culture hasn't been a huge issue for me. And the reason is not because I already understand and fit in with the Mexican culture. On the contrary, I feel more American than ever (well, I suppose the correct terminology would be "North American"). My cultural mindset - the social norms I adhere to, the understandings upon which I interact with people, the way I perceive myself within the larger context of a community of people - is not Mexican. And maybe even the term "Mexican" doesn't really fit what I'm talking about. But either way, cultural differences are real between people groups and countries, and they go much deeper than just your typical food and dress.

I just finished writing a letter to a friend, and in it I was describing a few things that came to mind regarding culture. For instance, here in Mexico, if in attending a social event you bring a friend who doesn't know anybody at the event, and if upon arriving you don't immediately introduce your friend to people, you either have poor manners or are a bad friend. And, if you are one of the persons at the event to whom this new guest was introduced, and you don't immediately engage him/her in conversation, then you also have poor manners, because you don't know how to make small talk. In many places in the U.S., a simple, "Hi, I'm Cynthia," and a handshake will suffice, and you can then proceed with whatever else it is you were doing at the time of the introduction, such as conversing with someone else, eating, etc. Or, as some do after meeting someone new, you can also just stand around quiet-like, as if your presence were embarrassing. (Thank goodness for people who can lighten a conversation with conversational ease). Anyway. The Mexican culture, in general, does a good job of making a new guest feel welcome.

So why did I say that adapting hasn't been too difficult for me? Because even though I am in Mexico, I am not actually immersed in the Mexican culture! I am living with American people, eating quite a bit of American food ("North American" rather), and speaking a lot of English.

As I depart from the writing of this post, I leave you with a few questions for thought. If you could intimately get to know another culture, which culture would you choose? If you had to live in another country for five straight years, which country would you live in? And finally, what aspects of your own culture do you appreciate the most? Dislike the most?

Hasta luego.

Above: In class. Below that: Rain damage in a side street. Floods can occur during the summer.

Jesus

Tonight we gave book reports again, and this time our book was Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. It's the kind of book that makes you think a lot. The kind I like to read.

One of the overarching messages in the book is the fact that Jesus leads us into reality. He was not meant to be a choice out of many possibilities, nor a doctrine by which to live, nor a ticket into something good. The picture is bigger than that.

Here's a question: Who is Jesus? History proves he was a real man who really walked the earth, who really was crucified on a cross. Furthermore, history tells us things that Jesus actually said about himself. So let's first ask, Who does Jesus say he is? Now. If you ask me who I am and I say, "I am Cynthia," that probably won't mean much. But if I say, "I am Cynthia, daughter of Laura and Alex, who were raised in Mexico, and I have two brothers, and I play piano and sing, and I like to read," then we might be getting somewhere. So, I think it's very logical to look into what Jesus said about himself. Here are a few things (emphasis mine):

- "When a man believes in me, he does not believe in me only, but in the one who sent me. When he looks at me, he sees the one who sent me." (John 12:44,45)

- "I have come in my Father's name, and you do not accept me; but if someone comes in his own name, you will accept him." (John 5:43 - here, Jesus is expressing frustration)

- "Whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." (John 5:24)

- "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me - just as the Father knows me and I know the Father - and I lay down my life for the sheep." (John 10:14)

- "The Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father." (John 16: 27,28)

There's a lot of words there, but the basic essence of it is this: Jesus says that someone has sent him, in fact, it's his Father, in whose name he has come. And who is his Father? It's God. The creator of the universe and of mankind. A loving Father, who sends Jesus his son, "the good shepherd," to lay down his life, so that it might become possible for us to "cross over from death to life." But I've gotten ahead of myself.

There is a very famous argument made by C.S. Lewis for the deity of Christ. It goes like this:

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish things that people often say about Him: "I'm ready to accept Him Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God." That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on a level with a man who says he is a poached egg - or else he would be the devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to." (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, pg. 40-41)

Basically, if we look at who Jesus was as a historical figure, it's pretty hard to claim that he was a liar. Bereft of integrity. Morally corrupt. It's also fairly impossible to claim that he was crazy. Facts tell us that he was a highly educated Jewish rabbi, and anybody who knows about the traditions of rabbinical schooling, understands the level of knowledge that they attained through study. Jesus was not stupid. His teachings make that clear. So the question is, in sum: can we trust that what Jesus said about himself was the truth?

I am saying all of this because I started out by saying that Jesus leads us into reality. I am learning, as I said above, that the picture is bigger than what I thought it was. Jesus is the big picture. He gives us, through his sacrifice, a way of life that is the way life was actually meant to be.

Picture above: Jessica, me, Mandy, and Hayley, at White Sands, New Mexico!

Random Stuff

Well. In case you didn't know, the second half of this school that I'm doing here in Juarez will take place in a different country. It's called the "outreach phase," which really just means that we get to apply everything we've been learning in a real-life setting. I'm not sure yet what that will consist of. But nonetheless, I do know where we are going! And I can't tell you. Yes, that's the unfortunate truth. All I can say is, that we are going to Southeast Asia, which, considering the world, I suppose is pretty specific regarding location. The country remains unnamed because of safety purposes.

Above you see a picture of myself in my oh-so-fashionable apron, cooking breakfast with Myrna, one of the staff members. She is a great person. A Mexican native, she chose to start working with YWAM more than ten years ago, and has since led many Disciple Training Schools, taking them to different places all over the world. But on this particular morning, she taught me how to make chilaquiles! Which I will proceed to describe. They are fried pieces of corn tortilla, covered in a spicy tomato salsa, topped with sour cream and melted cheese. Pretty tasty.

The other picture you see is of me and Hayley. She is a recent high school graduate who, like me, has a passion for music, and so we often just jam together on the guitar and the djembe. Sometimes she plays guitar and I play the djembe, sometimes the other way around. And we usually harmonize together, too. It's such an amazing thing to express oneself through music. Such a gift from God, to not only master the skill, but also to involve the heart and mind in the music-making act. I love it. And I hope I'll always remember to thank God, who gave it to me.

Well. That's probably enough for now. You've heard about our outreach to Southeast Asia, my breakfast of chilaquiles, and how much I love making music. Hasta luego! Have a great day.

Conquering

Good evening! Or day, or morning, or whatever it might be as you are reading this. Another beautiful day to live, in all the fullness that it offers. I find my fullness in many things, but one of them is the beauty of God and his creation. Now, the beauty of his creation does not limit itself to outdoor nature, but I must say, that my home in Colorado has some of the most beautiful places I can think of.


If you are not familiar with what a "fourteener" is, it's basically just a mountain that is 14,000 feet or higher. Colorado proudly boasts the most of any U.S. state: fifty-four of them, to be precise.


There is this one fourteener near my hometown called Long's Peak, famous for its level of difficulty and fierceness. Some people have even lost their lives trying to make it to the top. But frankly, the challenge of climbing it is a sweet one, and therefore, Long's Peak is one of the most-climbed fourteeners in Colorado. (Of course, for people who climb Everest-type mountains, I'm sure it's "nothing," but I would say it's indisputably an authentic experience in mountain-climbing).


I wonder. What is it about a challenge that sometimes excites us to take it on? Why does difficulty sometimes engage our sense of adventure, so that we cannot just stand back uninvolved, but must dive in, just to see if we can conquer it? And when we do, wow, that's sweet indeed.


I've been thinking lately about something I recently read. Floyd McClung, in his autobiography Living On the Devil's Doorstep, says that sometimes we suffer because we are not making sacrifices. In other words, too much contentment can breed discontentment if sacrifice is not a part of the picture. It makes me think about some of the difficult challenges that might be calling out to me, inviting me to get involved, asking me to come and conquer. What's more, I expect these challenges to involve sacrifice, because otherwise, where's the difficulty? Void of it, the word "challenge" would cease to mean anything.


For me personally, choosing to give up my own dreams in order to follow Christ is not just a challenge, but an adventure, an invitatation to live, an experience of sacrifice that has a sweet end. I expect difficulty, but I also know that it does not come without a conquering. How do I know? Because "We are more than conquerors through Christ, who loved us." (Romans 8:37).

Relationship with God?

Above: Juarez!  From a lookout point.

I guess it's kind of obvious that I really like the sky.  So here's another sky picture, taken in the morning before one of my runs.  

This morning I woke up at 6:30.  (Now, don't assume I'm one of those structured people that wakes up every single morning at dawn to go through a ritual of exercise and whatever else those people do.  No way).

Our class this morning focused on what being a Christian means.  I feel like every class so far has been like a wave of information that makes me think and process.  But that's good.  It means I'm not wasting my time; it means I'm really taking it all in.  
 

So maybe you want to know what they actually tell us about what it means to be a Christian. May I explain it in terms of how the information has affected me personally, rather than just give a pat answer?
 

You might have heard the term, "having a relationship with God."  And to be honest, for me, being a Christian has come to mean that.  Before, it meant, "to believe a certain set of beliefs." Now, to be more specific, it means "being made acceptable to God through Christ's sacrifice." See, if I have been made acceptable to God, then I can freely relate with him, as a friend.  And, therefore, I have a relationship with God.  

But.  I also don't like throwing around a bunch of terms without defining them, because then the full meaning of what I want to say isn't expressed.  So.  Here are some questions: Who is God, really?  And, why would I want to have a relationship with him?  Man, these are loaded questions that I don't know how to answer.  But what I do know is this: that God has integrity. That I can trust him.  And that deep inside of me, is a desire to be known.
  

I would hate for the term "relationship with God," to be passed over because it's been said so many times.  That's why I ask:  Who is God?  What does relationship with him mean? Meanings can get lost in words because we think we know what something really means.  

My personal experience has taught me that God is worth knowing.  And until I'm not walking on this earth anymore, I'm going to keep pursuing relationship with him.

The World

I am aware of the fact that none of the pictures I have put up so far include pictures of the Mexican people, nor of the actual city of Juarez (where all the traffic and businesses are found). See, I'm actually living in a suburb of Juarez called Sauzal. It's got more open space and tranquility. But don't worry, more pictures will come! (Eventually. When I take them).

In our cafeteria we've got this giant map of the world hanging on the wall. I am not the only person who loves to stand in front of it for more than five minutes at a time, just wondering things about each country. What might be taking place in all the different parts of the world? It's so vast, and yet so traversed already by mankind! I like to envision visiting each place and experiencing its unique culture.

So now I'm going to seg-way a little bit, if that's okay with you. The world is fascinating. But I think most would probably agree that it's got some problems. (And no, I am not referring to the environment). What I mean is the problem that lies within a person's heart, causing him/her to manifest hate, violence, disloyalty, and basically every other bad thing imaginable. What is it? Certainly something lies behind every action.

I don't believe that there is an excuse for any of it, but I do believe that there is a hope for all of it. And that hope is redemption, available for anyone who wants it, through Jesus Christ.

Below: Map of the world.
Below that: The farthest building contains both girl's and guy's dorms, as well as the cafeteria. The closer building is our chapel and classroom.