More Random Stuff!

Well! It's been a beautiful day. Sunny but cool, slightly windy, and fresh. Autumn is great.

And today was our big cleaning day! Though I felt a bit tired at the outset, my motivation increased as I started helping to clean the stove. Actually, it's a big conventional stove, with two ovens and a large griddle. I felt a sense of ownership as I cleaned it because of the fact that I use it everyday.

After the all-day cleaning event, I got to help our cook make frijoles charros and tacos de res. I'm really going to miss working in the kitchen when we leave!

One of the things I enjoy about being in the kitchen is the conversations I get to have with the Hermano. (Which in Spanish means "brother," but is a commonly used term for addressing people in an informal way, rather than using their first names. So, "Hermano" is the way we address our cook). Aside from his job as our cook, Hermano Heriberto is a pastor at a small local church here in Sauzal. Some of the ministries that his church participate in include: hospital and prison visits, events for neighborhood children, outdoor worship services, and prayer meetings.

We got the chance to attend Heriberto's church two Sundays ago, and the singing was beautiful! It was definitely from the heart, in worship to God. I love the music at Spanish-speaking churches because oftentimes it's got a Latin flare - the rhythms and melodies are contagious.

I have to let you know that, unfortunately, I will not be able to update the blog while on outreach, due to our schedule and computer availability. But when I come home for Christmas, you can ask me about how it went!




The biggest thing that God has taught me while I've been here is probably the extent to which he wants to have a relationship with me. He wants to hear my thoughts, and take on my questions, and understand my heart.

Knowing God is an amazing thing, but it can't happen without grace and forgiveness. Why? Because I need grace and forgiveness! And that's what Jesus died for - to make a way for me to intimately know God. The cross is what I deserved. But relationship with him is what I am given instead. And what a wonderful gift it is!

I hope that your day has allowed for some enjoyment of whatever it is you like to do. Be blessed, and see you later.


Above:
- Flags used for worship at Iglesia Centro Vida (bearing the Hebrew names of God!).
- In the park in downtown Juarez.

News and random stuff

Above is a picture of me and Ben, as we are waiting outside of a health center to get shots (for our outreach trip to Southeast Asia). But as it turned out, this particular center did not have the particular shots that we needed. So we went somewhere else.

And, as it turns out, we will be leaving on Friday Nov. 7 for outreach, not Monday, as was previously arranged. But all is good! We are very excited about going, and even though there is still a lot to get done beforehand (tomorrow, for instance, is "deep cleaning day," which takes place once every three months, and since we are still here, well, you know), getting on the plane will make up for all of it.

I don't have any deep things to talk about at present; though I would like to enter into a discussion about something more thoughtful, at the moment, I have to go clean my living space (I would call it my "room," but it's not just mine). It's funny how disorganized and cluttered one small bunk bed area can become.

I am currently reading a book called The Search for Significance, by Robert S. McGee. It is worth reading, and has made me think through some things that I'm not sure would have occured to me otherwise. Perhaps later, I will write more on the subject.

Until later. Hope everything is going great.

Food

Above is, obviously, a Wendy's. It's located in the downtown Juarez area. And among the other American food chains that can be found here are: McDonald's, Starbucks, Krispy Creme Doughnuts, Papa John's Pizza, and Apple Bee's. Among those not found here: Taco Bell.

We ate dinner at a taco place called El Cometa several weeks ago, and if I was to mention the closest thing to it in Fort Collins, it would probably be the Taqueria Los Comales, located on the corner of Prospect and College. Most definitely authentic, as far as local tacos go.

I think one of my favorite things to eat here is the Mexican torta, a type of sandwich that is made with hot meat, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise. It is also eaten with either jalapeños or some kind of salsa. It's really good.

On a similar subject, one of the things I've enjoyed about my time here has been working in the kitchen. It's gotten me more motivated about trying to cook new things when I go back home (for those of you who know, my main experience in the kitchen is with baking cookies. A good skill, but not enough to survive on . . . ) As far as Mexican cooking goes, it would be easy to read out of a recipe book, but there is something special about watching an experienced person cook and learning first-hand. Oh yes, and that reminds me. Our cook here is a native Mexican, and his name is Heriberto. He is also a pastor at a local church.

What else can I say about Mexican cuisine? It definitely varies depending on where you are in Mexico. For instance, if you live near the ocean, you will find a lot more seafood dishes, of course. The south of Mexico has the corn tortilla as its staple, while the north leans more toward the flour tortilla. In the border cities, you find somewhat of a blending with the American culture, and for that reason, there are more pizza and hamburger places than in other cities. Also, you might find variants on typical dishes (such as mole or tamales), depending on where you are in the country.

Yeah, so there's a bit about Mexican food. I'm no expert, but that's a little of what I know.

I hope you are enjoying your day! Hasta luego, till next time.

My Story

Get ready for a book . . .   But what I am about to write is important to me. Thank you so much for keeping up with this blog and being interested in what I have to say!  It means a lot.

Here is the story about why I came to be a part of YWAM in Juarez, Mexico.  I'd like to share it with you.  It has little to do with Mexico and less to do with YWAM, but is actually about my personal journey with God, and how he awakened me to new depths in Him.  Thanks again for taking the time to listen!

 

                                         *       *       *       *       *       

I am a pretty average person, with hopes, dreams, desires.  You know. The kinds of things most people have.  And before coming here, I would say that I was living a pretty average life - job, friends, and church involvement filled it.  There were things I wanted to change, sure, but for the most part, I was satisfied.

Then one evening this past May (2008), I arrived home to find a note left by my mom on the kitchen counter: "Cynthia: call me as soon as possible when you get this."  My initial reaction was fear - did someone get hurt?  Is everything okay?  I remembered that the same day, my brother and a few of our friends (Rachel, Tre, Reese, and others) had gone up to the mountains for a picnic.  So I called my mom, and she answered.

"They were on their way back, and there was a car accident, Cynthia, and they think that Rachel didn't make it."  Didn't make it.  Rachel, who I had just hung out with several days ago and had led worship with at church on Sunday?  Could you say that again, please?  But the brain only needs milliseconds to process information, and a few more milliseconds for it to get to the heart.  So, one second later, while my mom was saying, "I'm at the hospital," my heart was already pounding inside of me.

What do I do?  Where do I go?  I couldn't just stay alone at home.  I decided I'd go to my pastor's house; at least we can pray together, I thought.  But on the way, I checked the messages on my cell phone.  One from my mom.  It was true - Rachel hadn't made it.

God has typically been a part of my life.  Sometimes I've felt closer to him than others; sometimes I've desired to know him, while other times, I've preferred to disregard his opinion on things.  However, I've always known him to be there, faithfully, and to guide me when I'd let him.  And I still know this to be true.

I believe that we were created for meaning.  To live not in mediocrity, but with a deep sense of aliveness that comes from the fact that meaning exists.  When I think about the capability for depth that lies within the human soul, I become angry at the thought of living in anything less than its fullest capacities.  No.  We were meant for, and are capable of more.

In the months following Rachel's death, I felt God talk to me about my life. I began to see things from a different perspective.  You're putting your hope in the wrong things, he said.  You're not fully using the gifts I've given you to bless others.  And the overarching theme was a message that I heard, loud and clear: You're not living deeply.  I felt a need to connect with God, and as I did so, I started to see truth in my life unlike any other time I've seen it.

What had I been doing wrong, specifically?  Personally?  Everything seemed to be fine.  But now, on the other side what had happened, I saw that it wasn't.  What I would like to do now is talk about the specific things I learned, and afterwards follow them up with a few short observations about the beauty of Rachel's life.

You're putting your hope in the wrong things.  See, things only have meaning if they are true.  If we were created for deepness, there must also be truth on which to live out that deepness, because only the most valuable things deserve our sold-out energies, focus, and passions.  I will not live sold-out for a lie.  And I will only live sold-out for the absolutely most valuable thing in existence.  Which is God.

Beforehand, my hope was in personal dreams of getting married someday, of attending graduate school, of having a great church ministry, of eventually having my own family. Wonderful things, but not to count on. Why?  Because they cannot promise life.  My first observation about Rachel: she counted on knowing God through Jesus Christ, even though she would have been an amazing wife to somebody, a strong leader in church ministry, a tender mother.   

You're not fully using the gifts I've given you to bless others.  If I was meant to live deeply, and that deepness can only come from the source of all life, then the source of all life must be my motivation for living. Otherwise deepness will not occur.  I apply it to my life like this: I can get up in front of a church congregation and sing beautifully, but if the act is not done for God, it is void of depth and meaning.  Sure, it's still good.  It may still bless others.  But the essence of the act is not founded on what is most valuable, and therefore the act cannot be full of life.  Is my heart engaged and connected with God himself?  Remember, meaning must be based on the truth of what is actually most valuable.

Though I sang many times in front of my church congregation, my heart was selfish.  I typically resented the fact that the music didn't gratify my own tastes; I thought that such elementary music was below me.  The sad result: my musical gift was not used to its fullest life-potential; the Source of all life was not in it.  Now, my second observation about Rachel: as our church's music minister, she made music with abandon.  Her worship was for God, and its meaning-filled essence blessed a lot of people.

You're not living deeply.  I must now warn you that I have more to say, though I will do my best to stay concise.

Something happens to the soul when it is set free - suddenly, the deepness that it was capable of but had not yet experienced becomes known.  Its freedom comes from an awareness that there is a reason to be alive. Really alive.  There is really something worthy of the total soul; something deserving of everything it has to give.  A freed soul can no longer live in shallowness, because it has understood that a foundation exists for its living, an unchanging foundation that allows it to live without reserve.  So. An awareness of meaning leads to depth.  

And the only way to be set free is through Jesus Christ, who on the cross, made a way for our souls to have real life. 

Personally, and this is a bit challenging for me to bring up - my main error by which I lived shallowly was in the area of relationships.  Not just the ones closest to me, but all across the board: friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances.  I am sad to admit that I chose the path of self-protection rather than giving.  I was afraid of being known, so I didn't share myself authentically with people; instead of engaging, I disengaged, and ended up missing out a lot of life and potential blessings.  This error prevented my soul from experiencing depth.

If it were not for Rachel's living and passing, I don't think that I'd have learned what needed to be learned in this area of my life.  On that note, I want to make one final observation about Rachel's beauty: she was not afraid of letting people in.  Her relating was based not on fear, but on the security of her freedom through Jesus Christ.  As a result, her relationships with others were full and deep.

In order for a soul to live in its fullest potential of deepness, it must be set free.  The potential is there.  Who can deny it?  But the potential was given by God and can only be fully realized by God.  

So, as I began to think about the life I was living, I saw that there really was a problem, and it had to do with my lack of connection to meaning. What is worthy of my entire self?  To what can I devote my living in such a way that I experience the depth I was created for?  We are not beings of half-hearted and mediocre living. We were meant for more, and the more can only come from its source, plain and simple.  What had I been doing? I had been allowing myself to be satisfied without the more.  Without depth.

At present, I want my living to be based in this truth: that nothing is more valuable than God. He is a foundation, he frees my soul, he is worthy of everything I've got within me.  In a beautiful way, through the tragedy of loss and the mercy of God's interest in my spiritual growth, my Life-source has become my pathway to life - as I connect with Him, I find that meaning was there all along - my soul just needed to be reminded!

More Pictures....

Here are a few I thought you would enjoy.

With a few friends.  Not from Mexico...

Random  street.  (More interesting than the other random street picture).

People!  (From the community).

Cool kids (from the community).

Noe, me, and Lucero.  They are the awesome kids of one of our staff members.

Ice cream and movie day at Rancho Los Amigos.  We watched The Incredible Hulk with the kids.

Transformation?

Hello! I hope you have been enjoying your week. What's the most interesting occurrence that's taken place lately? The least interesting?

Well. Eleven weeks and many Mexican dinners later, we are still going strong here in Juarez.

We have two weeks left of classes before leaving for our six-week outreach to Southeast Asia. We are very excited about visiting a different country! As far as the type of work we will be doing, it will range from manual labor (still not sure on specifics) to music and drama performances, to simply getting to know people and making friends.

Today our visiting teacher showed us some slides of pictures from around the world and talked to us about some of the various problems and needs in different countries. It was the kind of stuff that can really break your heart. After the presentation, I felt so ignorant (in a humbling and disappointed sort of way) as I realized that there is so much that I should but don't know about the world. Yeah, National Geographic and other sources cover some of these things, but the magnitude of hurt that many face not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally, just blows me away. I really had no idea, and I say that with a subdued attitude. Today, I was humbled.

Sometimes I think about my challenges to others to think outside the box, and then I am hit with the realization that I myself have not allowed my mind to get outside of its box, but rather have been hindered by pride and fixed presumptions that aren't easily bent. My passion is for truth, and I find that I stop truth from flowing because I think that I already have things figured out. I want to be transformed by truth, living and walking in it; why, then, do I so resist transformation when truth becomes clear? Why do I cling to my old boxes?

Pretty much, it's because I don't want to be humbled. I don't want to admit that I'm wrong and need to change the way I think.

God is light, and there is no darkness in him. Sometimes he tries to teach me things, but I prefer not to listen. Sometimes he wants to increase the foundation under my feet, but I like the little rock that I'm used to standing on. I don't want to see deeper things because it means that my world could get shaken up.

But I am realizing that my desire for light must be stronger than my fear of being shaken, and my pursuit for truth more passionate than my resistance to admitting I'm wrong. It can't work any other way.

Psalm 199:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." And in Spanish it says, "Lámpara es a mis pies tu palabra, y lumbrera a mi camino." (Which means the exact same thing. Just thought you might like to see it). When I picture this, my first initial idea is of me, carrying one of those little old-fashioned candle holders, with a candle in it to light my way down a dark path. But you know what? If this is my image of God, then I think very little of him. What kind of image would be closer to the truth? How about a light that blinds me, incapacitates me, frightens me, and humbles me in such a profound way that my only response can be to fall on my knees in honor and surrender my mind to the truth of who he is? I think that here, in such a place, real transformation can occur.

Above: - me and Joy, a visitor from South Korea

- us and some friends walking down the street

- kids from Rancho Los Amigos hanging out in front of the chapel after school

The Fear of the Lord

Yesterday my team went to downtown Juarez and hung out in the plaza. Do you ever find yourself in a situation that makes you feel really small? It can happen in many different ways, to be sure. And it usually is a good thing . . .

Have you ever been stunned by how the world is bigger than you thought it was, or how the scope of people in it is vaster than you'd ever imagined?

Yeah, these are sentimentally-charged questions. But nonetheless, I felt these things yesterday. I felt small. Not insignificant, but just little, as though my mind was incapable of grasping everything it wanted to understand.

Being in a different culture can really open one's eyes to the variety that exists, and has existed throughout history, in the way people view their world. I suppose I should say the world, since there has only been one world, and he who thinks that the world revolves around himself is in for a surprise.

So. There are many, many people in the world, and each has a worldview that corresponds with culture, family background, place in history, personal experiences, as well as personal identity. That's a lot of variety. A lot to examine and understand. And this variety can make us feel small.

And now you might think I'm going to tell you that we should examine and understand our differences. But I'm not.

Sometimes our minds stay at a surface-level understanding of things because we stay within our own worldviews (unconsciously done). We take for granted the way we look at the world because it comes naturally to us, and on that level, it's actually easier to perceive our differences than our similarities. We know who we are and how we think, and comparing this with others comes naturally. At the surface-level of things, our differences are quite obvious.

What I am saying is that I think people have infinitely more commonalities than differences. And this, due to our surface-level thinking, is what we have not fully understood. A proper worldview involves the truth of a bigger picture. It's deeper than what we see on the surface. And it makes me feel even smaller.

Now, sometimes when I write I get myself into a pickle trying to understand things that I don't have all the answers for. Which I'm sure nobody has ever done before.

Right now I'd like to be able to say, "And here is a list of all our commonalities!" I can't give a list. But what I can offer is this:

Proverbs 1:7

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge."

Or, as some translations of the Bible put it,

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."

And as I always encourage: let these words be not just an enigma, not just a time-old truth, not just a concept to behold. Concepts must be wrestled with, truth must be craved, and understanding must be built on apprehension, not assumption. Only then can truth actually begin to transform one's living.